Photo by Paico Oficial on Unsplash
Recently I’ve been writing about self-compassion and in particular the work of Dr. Rachel Turow, who has been making the rounds of various podcasts I listen to as she promotes her latest book, The Self-Talk Workout.
Did you try the “Inhale, my friend” practice Dr. Turow introduces in her book? I have a new one for you today. Dr. Turow calls it “Spot the Success.” That name doesn’t really appeal to me, so I made up my own name for it: The Dunzo List. It’s only loosely based on Tom Haverford’s Dunzo List (no un-friending takes place here).
Negativity bias helped us survive
The science behind Spot the Success comes from a few things; an important one is negativity bias. Basically, this means we tend to strongly remember negative experiences more than positive ones and we tend to focus on negative stuff more than positive stuff.
In evolutionary terms, this is useful because it helps us spot danger, remember it, and avoid it. That’s fantastic if you live in a hunter-gatherer culture where you kind of really need to avoid getting killed by a wild buffalo as your neighbor did last week. Not so great when you live in our modern culture where you don’t have to spear your food in the supermarket to take it home. Suffice it to say that our brains haven’t caught up with the reality that certain things aren’t really dangers anymore.
Negativity bias has adverse affects on our relationships and our health, including links to depression and anxiety. So it’s worth it to try to recognize it and mindfully rewire our brains to be more observant of all the things: positive, not only negative.
Flipping the script
To counteract negativity bias, we can do something that psychologists call cognitive reappraisal (or restructuring or reframing). That just means we have the ability to actively counteract this bias when it isn’t appropriate (ie, when we’re not in danger). Flipping the script on negativity bias is wonderfully expansive because it allows us to take in the whole view; not just the scary, anxiety-provoking, sad, “I’m no good and can’t get anything done” view.
But don’t take it from me. Look at all the science on this:
Cognitive reappraisal can reduce both emotional and physical feelings of anxiety, and can decrease activity in the brain’s fear circuit (Hoffman et al., 2009; Llewellyn, Dolcos, Iordan, Rudolph, & Dolcos, 2013; Yoshimura et al., 2014). Trying out cognitive reappraisals for situations that provoke anxiety activates brain regions involved in regulating anxiety (Roffman, Marci, Glick, Dougherty, Rauch, 2005). After practicing reappraisal, people often report feeling less anxious, a shift that reflects how the brain “recruits” additional brain regions to help regulate anxiety (Thomaes et al., 2014; Yoshimura et al., 2014). Reappraisal may also reduce depression after stressful experiences (Troy, Wilhelm, Shallcross, & Mauss, 2010).
(As an aside, what the heck—the brain has a fear circuit?! Yikes! I am ALL ABOUT decreasing activity in that neighborhood.)
How to work the Dunzo List
Dr. Turow’s Spot the Success is a simple activity you can do anytime, anywhere, in just a minute or two. It’s based on the idea that we are constantly doing a bazillion things to take care of ourselves, others, and the world at large, and yet we don’t give those things any attention at all. Our endless unfinished to-do list looms large and makes us feel inadequate: SO MANY THINGS still to check off.
But what about all the things we’ve already done today just to get to this moment?
Why isn’t it worthwhile to note that we actually got out of bed, got dressed, made breakfast, and got to work on time? We take all that stuff for granted. Who the heck is going around patting themselves on the back for doing what we’re all just expected to do?
And yet: holy crap, people! Try this and you’ll start to realize that we are absolutely inundated with tasks that we think are so basic they deserve no mention. Tasks that, if we didn’t do them, we wouldn’t even get through our days. Tasks we do for others and that we do for the world on a daily basis as a matter of course, which deserve to be recognized and acknowledged.
Write today’s Dunzo List
You can try this right now. It’s best if you can actually take a moment to write it down, but if you aren’t able to do that, just make a list in your head.
All you have to do is list 10 things you’ve already done today to take care of yourself, others, and/or the world, which usually go unnoticed. That’s why it’s called Spot the Success. You’re looking at the things you’ve done (Dunzo List), rather than the things you haven’t done (To-Do List).
I’ll use myself as an example. This is just off the top of my head. It’s nearly 10 am and I got out of bed around 6:45 am.
Took the dogs down for a walk around the building
Put my daughter’s laundry in the dryer
Made my daughter a snack and put it in her backpack
Cleaned up a mess my cat made on the bathroom floor
Gave my cat his daily medicine that is going to hopefully cure those messes!
Went to the hospital and had preventative blood work done
Made myself oatmeal on the stove, with blueberries, cinnamon, and maple syrup
Cleaned off a kitchen shelf to make space for jars that were crowding the counter
Worked on this post
Put a load of laundry in
DUNZO! Most of these things, except for the blood work, weren’t on my official to-do list for today. They’re just all the “in-between” things that I normally would take for granted. And yet: good on me, right?
Now you try
Same goes for you. Freaking GREAT on you for getting out of bed this morning. Some people may think it sounds pretty stupid to congratulate a person for getting out of bed. However, I am here to tell you: as a person who has gone through clinical depression and anxiety personally, lived with family members with clinical depression and anxiety, and loved many others with it, that’s actually sort of a really big deal for some people. So let’s not take it for granted.
You got dressed! Were the clothes clean? Yeah, that’s probably because you washed them at some point. Nice! Brushed your teeth? Awesome! You’re gonna stay cavity-free and reduce your chances of getting the dreaded gingivitis! Did you drive somewhere? Ride public transport? Remember to lock your front door?
Think about it. You’re doing a ton of things every day that you may overlook and think have no significance. But truly, if you weren’t to do all these things, there would be some negative consequences, amirite? So, raise those humble tasks to the level of recognition and appreciation. Why not?
This isn’t about puffing up our egos, mind you. No one is going to give you The Parent of the Year Award™️ for putting a snack in your child’s backpack. But these daily tasks are positive things we’re doing for ourselves, others, and the world around us. They deserve to be recognized.
You’re doing a lot. It’s enough. You’re enough! Celebrate it. Life is really too short to not love yourself. Here, have a Lizzo break, this one’s on me: