Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
Self-compassion has become a bit of a buzzword in recent years, bursting out of the positive psychology movement in a bid to help us be nicer to ourselves.
And, frankly, who among us couldn’t afford to be a bit more kind as we carry out our constant inner dialogue?
On a recent episode of The Happiness Lab, Dr. Laurie Santos talked with Seattle University psychology professor Dr. Rachel Turow about exercises we can do to strengthen our self-compassion muscles. She recently released The Self-Talk Workout: Six Science-Backed Strategies to Dissolve Self-Criticism and Transform the Voice in Your Head.
Turow’s argument is that if we implement specific practices on a daily basis, we’ll build up the ability to be kinder to ourselves so that when the going really gets rough, we’ll have this ability to already draw upon.
At one point in the podcast, she even said something that I’ve often found myself saying to my three teenagers (because if you have teens or if you yourself have ever been a teen, then you know that self-esteem + teens = battleground!), which is:
“You should try talking to yourself like you would to a good friend.”
Alas, easier said than done. And of course, I could do well to take my own advice!
All that to say, I found Turow’s “one breath” exercise a quick way to start building self-compassion without having to pull out a meditation cushion or read any books or do any other sort of mental gymnastics.
It. Is. So. Easy.
Dr. Turow even recently wrote about it on Oprah Daily (The One Sentence that Turns Self-Hate into Self-Love) and spoke about it on the Think Act Be podcast (How to Practice Being a Better Friend to Yourself).
Ready? Here’s all you do:
Anytime you want, and especially anytime you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed, down on yourself, negative, etc. etc., simply take one slow breath in, and while you’re breathing in, silently say to yourself:
“Inhale, my friend.”
Then on the out breath, you say the reverse: “Exhale, my friend.”
I’m telling you: try it. As Turow says:
The phrase helps us access a deep gentleness that doesn’t expect cheerfulness in every moment. As I silently say the words “my friend” or “my love” to myself, I’m reinforcing the kind of relationship I want to have with myself, as well as the kind of self-talk that can cultivate it.
You’ve probably heard the catchphrase “be your own best friend” a bunch of times, but have you ever really practiced doing so? Here’s one way you can start today. See how it feels for you.